Choices and Parenting

     What's good everybody? It feels like it has been longer than a week but here we are. Today I want to talk about something that I have not put into practice yet, but just my thoughts and views on the matter. I want to talk about the balance of giving your children the freedom to choose and also giving them rules and boundaries. I am not yet a parent so in theory, I feel these things would work, but I know the curse of never saying you won't do that when you have children so just bare with me these are just thoughts and feelings.  

    I feel that for the most part there are two kinds of parents the kind that is super duper strict and does not ever give their kids the ability to make decisions and decipher the right things for themselves. Then there are the parents that probably give their kids too much freedom and let them rule their own world. Which is better? Which is the right way to go? Is there a right and wrong way to do it? There may not be a wrong or right answer to these questions but here is what I think. 

    Typically you see with the parents that are super strict the kids have a hard time with wanting to listen to their parents. I have had a lot of friends who did not feel like they could go to their parents when they had a problem in fear that they would just get a lecture or be punished. Or they simply just felt that they did not want to do something just because their parents want them to. It makes them want to be disobedient because they do not feel like they get the choice very often. It sends them in the other direction and makes them feel more distant. 

    Then you have the kids who have parents who let their kids have way too much freedom. This can be bad because then the children feel in control and feel that they can get whatever they want and whenever they want it. This can be bad because sometimes as kids we feel like we know what will be best for us when we can not really see the whole picture. Therefore to some degree, it's good to have that guiding hand of a mom and dad. 

    So what is the right way? I feel that it is important to have a balance. I like to look to our Heavenly Father as a guide. How does He parent us? He gives us standards and expectations and then gives us the freedom to govern ourselves. He doesn't control every choice we have to make but he gives us options to choose from and gives us guidance and counsel and then it is up to us to make the right decisions. Just like Heavenly Father, I think it is important to teach your children the standard and expectations. Help them see the importance of things and then let them decide what exactly they should choose. 

    Most importantly Heavenly Father loves us regardless of the choices we make. He loves us unconditionally and as we show our children that same kind of unconditional love they will feel more comfortable leaning on us for help when they do slip up and make a mistake they will know they can come to us rather than go into a deeper amount of trouble. I know there is no perfect solution to parenting and no parent is perfect everyone is just trying to figure out what they are doing. I do know though that the best way to teach a child or anybody is to do it out of love. When you love somebody and just want the best for them you can't go wrong. 

The value of work

     Howdy, y'all! so today I have a very important topic and that is the value of hard work.  I love the definition on google of the word work it says, "activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result." I  think that the biggest thing is when you work hard in any way you can expect an end result to come about. There are so many different kinds of work and frankly, most things in life require work to some degree. One thing that I have had to work super hard at is playing the violin. I started playing the violin when I was in middle school just in the jr high orchestra and then my freshman year of high school I decided I wanted to play a little more seriously so I started taking lessons. That took a ton of time and a ton of effort. I would spend countless hours practicing and attending lessons as well as group classes. There were a lot of times that I really didn't enjoy certain aspects of it but in the end, it was incredibly satisfying to see my hard work pay off and to actually see myself progressing and getting better.  Work is most of the time not easy but almost always it's worth it. 

    Now, what is the value of teaching your kids and learning to work from a young age? All growing up my dad would ask us kids to helo him with certain outside tasks. My least favorite task was cleaning up the rotten apples that had fallen off the tree. My brothers, sister, and I would go out and get to work we would spend hours just cleaning up totally squished and totally gross apples. At the moment I definitely never enjoyed it and honestly didn't really think the results were that worth it either I didn't mind having apples all over our yard. Looking back at it though I know to see the important lessons I learned. I learned that even when the work is hard and maybe a little gross it's possible and you can do anything you set your mind to. Another lesson I learned was when you put your heads together and work with others it helps build your relationship and also makes the job go faster. I especially enjoyed it when I got to be the one wheeling the wheelbarrow back to the cows instead of being one of the ones picking up the gross apples. Definitely some good bonding moments with my siblings though. Another thing I learned is that working hard at something makes you feel accomplished and more ready to take on another good task. It can seem like maybe not something that is necessary to teach young kids but that's when you're most impressionable and by doing so will make all the difference in how your kids grow up to work. I know seeing that working was important to my parents helped me to value it a lot more. 

    I think that work is an amazing opportunity to grow and become better as a person. If we simply look at it as more of an opportunity than an obligation it will get us a long way.  When we focus on how we can individually learn and grow from specific hard things we have to do it becomes so much more rewarding. I know that everything we do can be an opportunity and if we simply shift our mindset about work it can become a lot better of an experience. I think that as you work not only physically but emotionally you are becoming the person God intended you to be. The emotional side of work gets overlooked a lot but I believe that it is equally as important. being happy requires work, thinking positively, not overreacting, relationships it all takes work, and putting forth hard work will bring about great results.

     I love the concept of work and I know working hard has brought me so much joy and happiness. It sounds crazy but it gives you a sense of purpose and helps you to grow closer to Heavenly Father if you allow it to. I love what President Nelson says, "the Lord loves effort. When we are willing to put forth effort the Lord will bless us more than we could ever imagine. 

Talk Talk Talk

 Ok, so how many of you actually like to talk about the nitty-gritty stuff and the way you feel?Maybe it is just me but I certainly don't. I like to let things build up inside of me until I become so frustrated I have to talk about it.... Yeah, I know it's definitely not a healthy habit. This is why I wanna talk today about some practices that would be way more healthy mentally and most definitely more healthy for all of my relationships. Being able to effectively communicate can save so much heartache and confusion in the end.    

    Has there ever been a time in your life where someone you lived with whether that be a roommate, a significant other, or another family member, would do something that would drive you absolutely crazy, but you didn't want to say anything because it was kind of a small dumb thing? So time goes on and you don't say anything and  for a while and every time they do it it festers and festers a little bit more inside of you until you have a bunch of built up resentment towards that person. I don't really know if this happens to all of you but it definitely does me. So something I find myself asking is what's the solution? Well the easiest and probably the only thing to do is to talk about it. 

    Let's be real, as nice as it would be if people could just read our minds and then fix the problem, it can't be like that. So instead if there is something we want someone to know, we have to tell them. I have seen as I learn to effectively tell those that are important how I feel and vice versa then we both feel comfortable telling each other how we feel and it makes it a whole lot easier to avoid conflict and solve issues. Plus most of the time if it's a person you are close to they will respect that and try to fix the problem and you should do the same thing. 

    I think another important part of this is trying to see issues from the other person's perspective. It's easy to get caught up in all the little things that drive you crazy or that you don't like, but I truly believe if you care about a person and they care about you simply taking a step back and trying to understand them will help you to feel a lot more compassionate and make it so you don't feel resentment. Rather you want to strive to make them happy even if that means changing a few simple habits. 

    I recently learned about the model for effective ways to respond to someone wanting to argue about something and the first part of it is recognizing your wrong. It's a way of being humble, helping them feel that you see where they are coming from and giving them validation. I think this goes a long way in showing the other person you care enough to try to help them feel better about it. When you admit that you aren’t always right, the other person won't feel the need to argue because you are willing to work through problems with them. 

    Another important part of effectively communicating about it is to recognize each other's strengths. You can never go wrong with first telling a person why you care about them and showing your gratitude for them. I think when you have something that bothers you if you first show them that you care and help them see all the things you do love about them it will make the issue seem like not as big of a deal.

    I know communication is hard and I'm certainly still learning myself how to effectively communicate the way I feel, but I know it is so so crucial in being happy and having good relationships. These are just a few things that I have found to be effective and things to think about. Something that I like to remember is everything in this life that is worth it takes effort and hard work. 

Thoughts, Feelings, & Emotions

     So today I wanted to discuss something that I have dealt with in my whole life, and I know many of you probably deal with as well. This thing is two words and it majorly impacts our everyday life. Depression and anxiety.... I know it's a battle in and of itself. Maybe even just the thoughts of those words make you a little queazy to your stomach, I know they do mine. Let's be real for a minute most everybody will experience some degree of sadness and some degree of anxiety at different points in their lives and It's not always a bad thing. Today though I'm talking about the kind of depression that makes you feel as though there really is no chance you will ever feel another ounce of happiness or that staying in bed and sleeping all the time is the best option because when you're asleep you don't feel as sad. I'm talking about the anxiety that makes you sick to your stomach to do easy things like go to school or that makes simple easy decisions a big task because you worry so much that you're making the right decision. I get it, I get it all and no it's not easy. 

   What if I told you though that your thoughts have complete power to control it all. Our minds are powerful and trust me I've been in that boat where I feel pretty hopeless about myself or about a situation happening in my life. Looking back on it all now I see it was a big portion of what I was telling myself. I told myself lies about what seemed to be happening, rarely were those lies true. I told myself that I was a difficult person to be around so no one liked me. I told myself that my life had no purpose because that's how it felt. There was a dark cloud over my head and I just kept letting it get bigger and bigger by telling myself all the horrible horrible lies. The moment I realized that I wasn't a bad person that I was actually a really good person the moment I realized that life is so valuable and its not about having a predestined purpose, its about making every moment full of purpose its about giving yourself purpose and finding your passions. That's what it's about and once I changed my thinking the clouds began to disappear. I know in the moment of darkness it doesn't feel like simply changing your thinking will do anything but next time you feel sad try it out take a step back and see what things you're telling yourself are actually true. Tell yourself that you have worth and there is so much you have to offer. I don't care who you are or what your walk of life is there is something you can offer to the world there is somebody who could use your love. 

    You might be asking what does this have to do with anxiety.... well a whole lot. We know that anxiety is defined as, "a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome." Ok think about how many times have you had to talk in front of someone and the first thought that came to your head was I'm gonna look like an idiot or what if I mess up and say the wrong thing. I think we've all been there. That's a mild example of anxiety. We all have it and sometimes it's helpful, but sometimes it can be crrippling. I've been there where something as simple as making a phone call stresses me out to a point where it's not healthy. Why does it stress me out? Because I tell myself all the lies of what could go wrong. It goes back to the things I tell myself. If I constantly think about all the negative and bad things that COULD happen of course I'm going to be incredibly anxious and nervous who wouldn't be. Our brains process everything we think as truth so if we can simply learn to think a bit clearer and positively it will make our lives so much better. Next time think about all the things that could go right instead of all the things that could go wrong!

    Now don't get me wrong this takes a lot of work and it's not easy. There will still be those days or those situations, but learning to control our thoughts and the way we react to things will definitely bring a lot more joy into your life. Someone shared with me recently this, "It's not events that affect our emotions it's our thoughts about an effent that creates the emotions." I can promise you. I know without a doubt that there is a God who loves and cares about each and every one of us so deeply He wants us to find joy. He only gives us hard things to make us stronger and learn to rely on the power and grace that comes from His son Jesus Christ. I promise there are better happier days ahead don't stop fighting!