Today I want to talk about dating... first off I wanted to share googles definition of the word date. "a social or romantic appointment or engagement." Dating has changed a lot over the years. I mean think about when was the last time someone called and asked you if you wanted to go on a date? Or when was the last time you asked someone on a date? Maybe it wasn't that long ago that you got asked out, but I feel like its a lot less common to see a guy ask a girl on a date. Most the time you see young people myself included just hanging out. Is that different then a date? maybe it's not but maybe it is. Today I wanted to share some of my thoughts as well as some studies that have been done on the practice of dating and what's considered a date and why it even matters.
First off I want to talk about the idea of assortive dating. Assortive dating is the idea that you go on a bunch of date, doing a bunch of different activities, with a bunch of different people. A lot of people today would call this practice being a player. I think though especially as you are young and still trying to figure out who you are dates like this can simply be casual social engagements, like the definition of a date says. Just because we go on one date with a person doesn't mean we have to marry them or even go on a second date with them. It means we did something fun together. The more people you go and do fun activities with while you're young the more you will what qualities you like in a person and what kind of person you enjoy being around.
An article this week I read talked about the three Ts the go into knowing a person and they are togetherness, Talk, and Time. As you spend time with a person doing different activities then you will be able to come to know them as a person and who they are. when you spend time talking to someone you become vulnerable and so do they. Lastly the more time you spend dating each other the more you will truly come to know them. According to different studies it takes 3 months of dating someone to actually know them. A lot of times people jump into relationships rather than thinking about it and what they actually want. As you take the time to truly know each other then you will be able to make more of a commitment.
Another important factor of dating is being intentional. I read about something called the relationship attachment model. Its easy in a relationship to let feelings be the driving factor but in the relationship model its kind of like an escaltor the steps consistently move in the same direction and no step ever gets above the step above it. So the theory is that you should first come to know a person, than trust a person, after that you reley on them then commit to them and lastly touch them. This helps to make it so feelings are not the thing driving your relationship, but so that you can actually anaylzye it as it really is.
In a talk by one of the leaders of my church, Dallin H Oaks he states, "The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship." Going on lots of proper dates and getting to know lots of different people helps you to truly get to know people and ultimately prepare to be a good husband/wife and will bless your marriage. I know a lot of these ideas don't nesscarily line up with how we date in today's world but I do believe that if we took a step back and dated a bit more, like people use to we would have a lot more people getting married and not being so nervous to make that big commitment.
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