Why Wait?

         Hey everyone! This week I wanted to share my thoughts and things I have studied about waiting till Mariage to be intimate with someone. I definitely think the standards for this is something that has changed over the course of time. Many people have different thoughts and standards for how this should be handled but I truly believe that waiting till marriage to be sexually active is the way to go and here is why I believe that! 

     First, it is safer It eliminates the problem of getting disease transmitted through sex and also unplanned pregnancy when you are not in the place to have a child. I feel like this is a common problem and people are worried about it and simply practicing abstinence will get rid of the problem in the end. I know that it can be hard and that its certainty not the cool way to go but I do know that it saves a lot of heartache and grief in the end. I know there are things to prevent all of these problems, but they are not always granted and that where the heartache can come in. 

 Another big factor is emotionally it’s better. There are studies that shows those especially women suffer from depression when they have many different partners that they have had intercourse with. When you engage in such an intimate thing women have a chemically that's released in their body causing them to become attached. you can imagine how ultimately this can cause some emotional problems and distress. Studies also show that the more partners you have the harder it is to become attached to another one. You become more numb to falling in love and its harder for you to be fulfilled and satisfied with love. I think everyone desires to find love and to have that special connection, but they give up on finding it because they don't believe that they can or that there are people that will love you in that way, but I promise there is if you wait. 

    Also waiting till marriage creates a moment for you and your spouse to share that special connection and it makes it more personal and sacred. Having sex can be a very intimate experience under the right circumstances. I love this quote from a proclamation made by some leaders of my church, "We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."  It can be such a special thing and the ability to have children and to be a part of creating human life is so precious. 

I know it is hard to figure out standards and what you want to believe in, but I know that there are so many good things that come from waiting and choosing to stand up for that and being better will be so worth the wait. I know that God has intended for intimacy to be a special and sacred thing and that he has created us the way we are for a reason and that it is good and will lead to more happiness as we do it in the right way and at the right time. These are just a few of the reasons that I believe that practicing abstinence is good and will greatly help you in the end. 

         

Physical Touch & Dating

         Hey peeps! So today I wanted to focus on my thoughts about the idea of physical touch and the role it plays in dating and courtship. I think it is interesting the view that the world has on this specific topic and the opinions on what makes a relationship and frankly how fast couples become attached through physical touch.There is definitely need to find a balance in everything. 

    I think very often physical tough becomes so much a part of a relationship that people forget why they are even dating. There are chemicals released when a person kisses another person that makes you like them more. Meaning when physical touch becomes part of a relationship it clouds your judgement and makes it harder to see the relationship as it actually is. As we step back and take genuine time getting to know someone its a lot easier to know how you feel about each other. 

    People tend to jump into relationships quite quickly and a lot of the time even into marriage before they really get to know each other. I truly think that this tends to make it more difficult later on and as life gets harder for that relationship. I love the attachment relationship model which is basically a model that explains you should never trust a person more than you know them and you should never rely on a person more than you trust them, You should never rely on a person more than you are ready to commit to them and you should never touch a person more than you are ready to commit to them. This model is a good basis to go off of to establish a healthy and well balanced relationship that will make it easier to transition into either a more serious relationship or a breakup if that is what both people feel is better. 

    It's important to make physical contact a part of your relationship but certainly not the only part of your relationship. Everything has a time and a place and it is important to decide together what you feel is appropriate and communicate with each other. Learning to communicate and talk with each other while you are dating will help in your relationship for the rest of the time you are dating and into a possible marriage. I love the comparison of not sliding into a relationship but falling into a relationship. As you start seeing someone or spending lots of time with them its easy to just slide into a relationship. All the sudden you are in a serious relationship and you weren't even sure that's what you wanted, but if you take time to discuss with each other and decide what you want to be and how you both feel it will be better in the long run.

    Also another big part of relationships is realizing that the way you date will most likely be the way things are when you are married. If you simply just always hangout then you can't except to go on dates after marriage. Its a matter of being intentional with everything you do. As you work to establish clear boundaries and work together to commit you will be able to have a healthy and happy relationship. Relationships are hard and they take lots of work and consistent effort but as you put in the effort and the time it will be so worth it. Working on your relationship while you are dating will be a worthwhile investment for your future and can save a lot of heartache and sorrow that could be waiting down the road.

Why Date?

        Today I want to talk about dating... first off I wanted to share googles definition of the word date. "a social or romantic appointment or engagement." Dating has changed a lot over the years. I mean think about when was the last time someone called and asked you if you wanted to go on a date? Or when was the last time you asked someone on a date? Maybe it wasn't that long ago that you got asked out, but I feel like its a lot less common to see a guy ask a girl on a date. Most the time you see young people myself included just hanging out. Is that different then a date? maybe it's not but maybe it is. Today I wanted to share some of my thoughts as well as some studies that have been done on the practice of dating and what's considered a date and why it even matters. 

    First off I want to talk about the idea of assortive dating. Assortive dating is the idea that you go on a bunch of date,  doing a bunch of different activities, with a bunch of different people. A lot of people today would call this practice being a player. I think though especially as you are young and still trying to figure out who you are dates like this can simply be casual social engagements, like the definition of a date says. Just because we go on one date with a person doesn't mean we have to marry them or even go on a second date with them. It means we did something fun together. The more people you go and do fun activities with while you're young the more you will what qualities you like in a person and what  kind of person you enjoy being around. 

    An article this week I read talked  about the three Ts the go into knowing a person and they are togetherness, Talk, and Time. As you spend time with a person doing different activities then you will be able to come to know them as a person and who they are. when you spend time talking to someone you become vulnerable and so do they. Lastly the more time you spend dating each other the more you will truly come to know them. According to different studies it takes 3 months of dating someone to actually know them. A lot of times people jump into relationships rather than thinking about it and what they actually want. As you take the time to truly know each other then you will be able to make more of a commitment. 

    Another important factor of dating is being intentional. I read about something called the relationship attachment model. Its easy in a relationship to let feelings be the driving factor but in the relationship model its kind of like an escaltor the steps consistently move in the same direction and no step ever gets above the step above it. So the theory is that you should first come to know a person, than trust a person, after that you reley on them then commit to them and lastly touch them. This helps to make it so feelings are not the thing driving your relationship, but so that you can actually anaylzye it as it really is.

   In a talk by one of the leaders of my church, Dallin H Oaks he states, "The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship." Going on lots of  proper dates and getting to know lots of different people helps you to truly get to know people and ultimately prepare to be a good husband/wife and will bless your marriage. I know a lot of these ideas don't nesscarily line up with how we date in today's world but I do believe that if we took a step back and dated a bit more, like people use to we would have a lot more people getting married and not being so nervous to make that big commitment. 

    

Gender roles and Equality

         How are y'all doing dear beautiful people?  Today I kinda want to talk about maybe a more sensitive topic but also a very relative topic. In the past century, there has been a really big push for gender equality and the role that gender plays in our society. I definitely feel there is a connection in everything that is linked to this topic and I also think there are a lot of opinions out there about this certain subject. 

    From a very young age, girls tend to have certain traits that are female-typical. A lot of girls are very nurturing and tender. They are into playing with dolls and pretending to play house. While boys' typical tendencies are to run around and rough house or play with cars. Very innately they both automatically tend to gravitate towards these tendencies. For example, my nephew from the time he was about 18 months loved cars, trucks, and basically anything with wheels. He knows the parts on a tractor better than I do and he's only 2. That's something that just came very naturally to him. Where my niece who is 4 has always loved pretending she is a different princess every day. 

    So you might be asking exactly what I'm getting at here but just bear with me as I connect the dots. Women's role for a very long time has been to stay in the home and take care of the children. That has become a label for women and what they contribute to society. Men's label has been to provide for the family and work and protect them. These roles fit in with the typical tendencies for both men and women. The roles aren't necessarily bad things. It's actually a good balance to have and together with men and women accomplishing these roles they cooperate rather well together accomplishing all the things that need to be accomplished. 

    The problem that I want to address today is when a man or a woman doesn't fit in this box of typical traits for their gender. What happens when a man tends to like things that women like or vice versa? We definitely live in a time where this is more common and more acceptable. Even though it is more acceptable there still is a lot of shaming that happens especially in kids. I think that's where a lot of the confusion comes in. From a young age if a child tends to lean more towards the traits of the opposite gender are they labeled as gay or is it actually something in their genetics making them that way? Has the push for genders to be equal played a role in the gay rights movement? These are things we don't exactly have answers for. Nor do I know personally what it's like to be in this situation but I definitely do think that all of the shaming and push that's been put on this specific topic has led more people to think and feel this way. I'm not saying this is the case for all but I think it is for some.   

    So how does this all connect? Well, I truly believe that we were destined to be our specific gender and I do believe that God created men and women to be a certain way and to complement each other and live in harmony. I don't know why exactly people struggle with being attracted to the same gender.   Above all, I can't imagine what it's like to have this struggle or to feel out of place, but I do know that Heavenly Father has a love for each of his children. He has a plan and a purpose for all things we just have to look to Him and follow him. As we trust in God all things will be made right in the end.